In certain cultures, men are not expected to be emotionally vulnerable. They are taught to repress their feelings, to be tough and hard as if they are devoid of emotions. Right from their childhood men get the notion that being emotional is a sign of weakness. This cultivates in them unhealthy emotional habits that prevent them connecting with others on emotional plane. Intimacy is a very difficult thing for these men.
Is there any need to be like this? The answer is no. If you are like this, it’s never too late to change and be more open and intimate with your partner.
You won’t lose anything.
Here are 13 things emotionally mature men do and 13 goals for men who want to be like them:
Hiding or suppressing your natural feelings doesn’t make you emotionally mature. It is not that you don’t feel sadness or pain, but you struggle to stay calm and unmoved. Experiencing them in their complete intensity allows you to handle them better. Running away from them will only prolong your discomfort.
Conscious of harmful patterns
When life puts you in situations that stir your emotions, you can either allow the emotions to flow and respond accordingly, or ignore the turmoil. If you choose the latter, you would try to fight your emotions or distance yourself from the situation. This is called fight or flight response. These damaging patterns will continue to surface. If you learn that discomfort is only natural and allow yourself to feel it, you will be in a much better state to manage the responses triggered by life situations.
Put their best efforts to be emotionally mature
If you are someone who has always fought or avoided emotions, but are still reading this article, it’s clear that at some level you have opened up to self-reflection. If you have begun to wonder how it is to experience emotions and feelings, you intend to be emotional maturity. You have to have the will to expose yourself to the world of emotions and feelings, to be vulnerable. Instead of running away from them, let them affect you and then work through those emotions.
Learn from the old patterns
However, even after identifying how damaging the old patterns are, you continue to remain in them, you will face the same issues. On the other hand, you can save yourself by doing whatever it takes to be vulnerable to emotions and feelings. Not only will you gain emotional maturity, people around you will also know you too are capable of feeling. You will be able to connect with them emotionally and that will do wonders to your relationships.
Openly communicate their feelings
Being passive for long, leaves you in a state of mind in which you don’t know what to do with the emotions when you allow them to flood your mind and soul. You can write your feelings in a diary or talk to someone you can trust. Some people can’t get relief like this. For them, talking to therapist is a better option. Communicating helps you understand your feelings and handle them in the right way.
Willingness to discuss difficult issues
For someone who has never had an emotional conversation, it’s difficult to open up suddenly. But, even then, willingness should be there. So, one should start and practice. If there is a point of disagreement on which you need to talk, don’t avoid it, just make sure you speak and speak respectfully.
Men tend to believe that expressing their emotions may be viewed as a sign of weakness. On the contrary it takes a lot of strength to be vulnerable and its part of being emotionally mature. All you need is strength to overcome your ego and make yourself comfortable enough to start.
Take guidance from emotionally mature men
Through their formative years men grow up hearing that they shouldn’t show their emotions whether it is sport’s field or workplace. So, most of them get the feeling that it isn’t manly to cry or be emotional and make sure they don’t be like that. But if you look around, you will definitely find a few men who are emotionally mature. You can seek guidance from them.
Emotional connect creates space for their partners
How any times have you avoided an emotional conversation when your partner needed it? With emotional maturity you will be creating space for them. You will be able to indulge in an emotional conversation with them, and they will come to know you aren’t emotionally ungenerous, after all.
You will be sensitive enough not to hurt or interrupt someone’s privacy.
You don’t have to resolve someone’s emotional problems. You don’t need to do anything when someone is crying or hurt except listen to them with sympathy and love.
Express, don’t hide.
Emotionally mature men don’t hide behind feelings when confronted by them. If you feel ashamed expressing your hidden feelings, you got to work on it. When you are emotionally mature you will know to trust someone who doesn’t hurt you, and if they do, you will have enough resilience to recover.
Are considerate and empathetic.
An emotionally matured person tries to understand other’s feelings. You will have to bring change in your perspective so that you can focus on resolving conflicts rather than forcing your way ahead of others to prove yourself right. When the woman in your life expresses feelings that scare you, don’t attack her. Instead be patient and loving.
The realization that you have the strength to offer support, care and comfort, and nurture a loving relationship is sign of emotional maturity. You don’t want to win over anyone, rather you are there to uplift. Being open, feeling fear, grief or self-consciousness doesn’t mean you are being defeated and shouldn’t trigger anger in you. If you have achieved all this, you are already a winner.