I was struggling with being a people-pleaser. I was a real pushover. And it took me a really long time to learn to say ‘no’ and stop pleasing people to make them happy. I thought it made me cool, easygoing and likable. I didn’t know that it was actually making me seem confused, lost, and taken for granted.
So, how I stopped being a people-pleaser? Easy. I followed only these 7 steps and quickly regained my self-confidence.
1. I BECAME SELF-AWARE
I’ve started looking at myself with respect instead of judgment. When I’ve become aware of my thoughts, I had the perfect opportunity to gain control over them rather than instinctively reacting to everything around me. That’s how I learned to think before I act and to take responsibility for my feelings and actions.
2. I BECAME AUTHENTIC
I’ve finally come to terms with the fact that we are all unique and flawed human beings. I understand now that everyone should be able to act in their authentic way, according to their values and preferences, instead of catering to other people’s needs and following their wishes.
3. I REALIZED THAT AVOIDING PROBLEMS DOESN’T PROMOTE GROWTH
When problems were arising in my life, I wanted to immediately get rid of them and the feelings they brought to me. I was refusing to deal with them the healthy way and try to solve them. I didn’t want to feel pain and discomfort, so I was running away from my problems. That was making my situation worse until I finally decided to put an end to it.
4. I LEARNED TO ACCEPT MYSELF AS I AM
Self-acceptance is an ever-evolving process indeed. And it I really up to us when we’ll get it into motion. When I learned how to accept myself and when I realized my worth, I suddenly lost the urge to please others. I am now on the path of becoming the best version of myself.
5. I REALIZED THAT DOING TO MUCH FOR OTHERS HURTS RELATIONSHIPS RATHER THAN HELPS THEM
Through the years, I learned that having healthy relationships depended mainly on my willingness and ability to take care and love myself first. I learned the hard way that when you do too much for other people and very little to yourself, you are not only doing yourself harm, but you are also damaging your relationships with people. And even though the intentions may be good, the outcome is always bad.
6. I STARTED NAVIGATING MY ANXIETY
I realized whenever I was acting impulsively, I was unknowingly inviting anxiety into my life. When I learned how to manage my primal urges and instincts I found myself stepping on a more stable ground with all my relationships, including the relationship with myself.
7. I LEARNED TO LET GO
I learned to let go of the past and the things that no longer served me. I accepted everything and decided to move on. I chose not to let the past control me anymore. That’s when I begin to take control over my life and not be bothered with the opinions of others.
And finally, I would like to share a quote by F. Scott Fitzgerald that has really inspired me during the process of mastering the art of not pleasing others.
“For what it’s worth… it’s never too late, or in my case too early, to be whoever you want to be. There’s no time limit. Start whenever you want. You can change or stay the same. There are no rules to this thing. We can make the best or the worst of it. I hope you make the best of it.
I hope you see things that startle you. I hope you feel things you’ve never felt before. I hope you meet people who have a different point of view. I hope you live a life you’re proud of, and if you’re not, I hope you have the courage to start over again.”